This card is about abundance, and cultivating the sense of worthiness that allows us to receive it.
“Indulge, bask, snuggle, and savor the sweetest things in your life right now… Revel in the moment. Take your pleasure where you find it. Let yourself overflow.” –Slow Holler Tarot
I did a hard thing last week and it went really well. Today, my therapist said my homework is to relax and enjoy the sweetness of that. I am noticing how my anxiety keeps going off, like a broken car alarm, trying to protect me from non-existent dangers. It’s so hard to return to the moment, to the facts about what is currently happening, when my brain keeps reminding me of past hurts.
It’s so hard to believe that I’m worthy of abundance, of love, of goodness. That I’m enough. That I’m safe. That I’m allowed to trust other people. That some people are pretty damn good and pretty damn trustworthy, and that those things are also true about me.
It doesn’t feel safe, to indulge and bask and savor sweetness. It feels safer to stay walled off, not to get too excited, to assume the worst and wait for the other shoe to drop, until, until, until, until... what? It doesn't end. There's always something new to be scared of.
But is it really safer, to do all that? If it means I miss out on my actual life? Is that really safety?
There’s some real overflow-worthy stuff going on in my life right now and I want it. I want it! I want every single one of these cups!
I’m going to try following that want and see where it takes me.